I think it’s cause I’d built it up so much in my head. Get a flight here, how to get from A to B, money for this and that, that by the time I registered again what I had actually signed up for I was completely terrified. I have had this trip planned for six months nearly; for those of you who don’t know the trip encompasses a month in India followed by Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Malaysia and, finally, Singapore.
I had everything planned before I went except for one vital component: my state of mind (I’m sorry if Goa is bringing out my inner hippy, there are a lot of them here). The fact that I was actually doing this, not just planning some mythical adventure, only really dawned on me when I said goodbye to my family at the airport. When I turned round and they were gone, and I was at last alone, suddenly a deep fear manifested itself in me.
Stepping onto that plane, alone, was one of the scariest things I have ever done and that surprised me. Travelling has always been one of my life’s passions, new destinations and dream holidays always toying with my mind. I’m signed up to all the latest travel blogs, I follow all of the vloggers on YouTube, I even had a magazine subscription to Wanderlust; surely this meant that I too was ready for a life travelling! So I thought anyway. Yet there I was, scared to leave my family, scared to leave my boyfriend and scared to leave the comfort and familiarity of home behind. I was actually kind of disappointed in myself, where was the Indiana ‘no-fear’ Jones figure that I thought I had inside me?
One of the benefits of solo travel is the amount of time there is for reflection (again I’ve been in Goa for the past few days so I apologise for the hippy vibe). Time spent in airports, nights in hostels or meals had alone have all meant I’ve had a lot more time to think. And I say to ‘the fear’: it’s okay to be afraid. I’ve never done anything like this before. And in today’s fast-paced society when you are usually surrounded by someone or something, be it phone or TV, it is actually rather unusual to be alone.
I still experience ‘the fear’ and I suspect I will continue to feel it as my travels continue, but I’m going to attempt to not let it beat me to the ground. We’ll see how that goes.